Looking for that Lady

I thought I had read it all until I stumbled across a headline saying that some guy stole some steaks and wine for his date with some lady. Really now have times gotten sooooo bad where someone has to steal stuff so they can try to impress some chick??? Bad move if you ask me…

That guy should have put a bit of consideration into what he was going to do once he asked a gal out or over to his place and stealing stuff definitely doesn’t really impress gals somehow…. Or have times changed that much????

I can see it now the gal rings the doorbell at the guys place and everything seems so perfect but he is a bit nervous always looking out the window. I would think… ah, he’s got a girlfriend and hasn’t told me or he is married and … well the rest you can imagine. I won’t go into detail here, because if it was one or the other and she did come home; I bet s…. would hit the fan and there would be an interesting exchange of words to say the least and as a gal I would NOT want to experience that!!!

Or again the guy could be worried that he was filmed while the stuff accidentally feel into his pockets in the store and thinks they may find him. The poor gal is sitting at the table enjoying a nice steak and a glass of wine and then……. A knock on the door and the crime team comes in saying to the guy that they are confiscating the meal because the food was stolen. This is definitely something that could ruin a date and she will NEVER want to see the guy again!!!

What brings a person to do something like that and if the guys strapped for cash he could cook a cheap meal or ask his buddies for a couple of bucks so he can buy something for his date but stealing.. That’s a bit much.

So, for those guys out there on a tight budget and aren’t sure… Don’t steal but instead maybe make the good old stand-by meal of spaghetti…. Cheap and easy to cook and with a little creativity it will taste good and your date won’t go sour!

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GREAT TIE FOR THAT GUY?

I know that recently I have been somewhat lax on writing about great things for guys, so I thought this here would make up for my thoughtlessness…. Sorry guys. There are guys who have to wear ties and this can be especially aggravating if it isn’t the right sort of tie. Who said ties have to be borning??? Not me!!!

Well, your worries are solved with the flask tie…. I’m not well versed on how it actually looks but it seems to take on the features of a normal tie except that it has a special spot for your schnapps or whatever you want to nip at discreetly in the tie itself.. My guy needs one of these for the office to create a bit of cheer.

You guys thought that the trouser beer pouch was something but this may top it for the executives out there who don’t want to unzip their trousers at a meeting for a quick beer, so instead they can open up the little flask in their tie and enjoy a small shot of whiskey or whatever it is they are carrying around with them in their tie. My how times are changing…… flasks aren’t like they used to be.

Ok, guys and gals I will give you a short version of how I see this great tie flask and I am sure it could be something worth putting under the tree this year for your guy who has everything except a flask tie!

Ok, you must carefully fill it up and not toooo much because the plastic pouch may not hold too much and then your tie will bulge and not hang properly. That I see as a major problem guys! Ok, we’ll over look this minor setback and concentrate on the positive features that it has.

There you are at and important meeting and there seems to be a bit of a lull and no one is really saying much, so you think “AH” let’s have a little nip of whiskey and there you go the boring meeting is already cheered-up and the other guys there are waiting for you to get your flask out and serve up some drinks. No, that’s the surprise here and believe me those guys will be really amazed and jealous too when they see that you have a sewn in flask in your tie and can give everyone a thimble size shot…. That’s a meeting at its best… RIGHT???? No more dull boardroom meetings but now there’s the competition of who has the best flask tie meeting and this can brighten things up! Now an important fact to remember is no cut rate cheap stuff only the best whiskey can be decanted into your tie.

Another thing you must watch out for is that no one bumps into you or else your tie could bust and that is the end of your flask tie and you smell like a brewery…. That is definitely a horrid thought because if that happened your meeting is ruined and maybe your career too… The troubles with ties… I am glad I am not a guy.

I know this isn’t really some earth moving thing but for guys who wear ties it could be and if you are out with your tie on you can always discreetly- I emphasize again discreetly take a nip from your tie when you feel like it. Otherwise, folks may wonder what you are up too with your tie and believe me I am sure people could imagine many a thing and it would not be that your tie had a flask it. So do take heed when out and about and if you are on a date I am sure the gal will be sooooo impressed with the tie that she will definitely want to have a second date with you, because I am sure the gal doesn’t get asked out too often by guys who have flask ties.

So gals if your guy has to wear a tie to work maybe this is something that is a must have for all tie wearing guys out there. So, guys don’t forget to put this nifty tie on your wish list from Santa and by all means please let me know what everyone thinks of it.
Enjoy your ties guys!

Text Me a Date

As the heading implies this is for both guys and gals looking for the perfect date or partner via texting with your cell phone. I bet you have never really thought about this before or even tried it have you?

Well, I can say I never have but then again I’m from the old school where I want to see what I am getting into and not get a shock of my life… if you know what I mean? Plus the added costs involved with texting may put a dent in my bank account and that I want to avoid at all costs!

But let me explain to you how this supposedly nifty little ritual works if you haven’t already tried it.

You decided that you want to meet someone or are looking to replace your present model be it a guy or gal. Well, all you have to do is sign up with the agency for a small fee of about $300.00 and a cell phone is included in the price but then there are rules you have to abide by and that can be somewhat of a drawback.

You have to text with the person for at least 3 months before you can meet-up and no pictures are allowed to be sent; either of you or of the other person thus creating an air of mystery around both of you.
Doesn’t that sound trilling ??

Plus, there is a small texting fee of 0.29 cents per text you send. But that shouldn’t put you off when you are seriously looking for a new partner or replacement. I calculated 6 texts a day x 6 months = $156.60 -> so the person better be worth it.

You start texting with the person and they describe themselves and what they do and so forth. And you can just imagine girls that could be the man of your dreams and can hardly wait to meet-up with him because you have fallen in love with his text messages and feel swept off your feet. Well the time is up and your heart is fluttering and you doll yourself up for the evening and there he is waiting for you at the restaurant sitting at the table and you wonder to yourself “ is that the guy I have been texting with for the past 3 months?”

Somehow, he doesn’t really look like the description he used of himself in the text message or maybe he had been sniffing the cork when he wrote you and so naturally his thoughts could have been somewhat distorted from alcohol. But, you say to yourself “he wrote such lovely texts, so he has to be a nice guy.”
You force yourself over to the table and he is automatically in love with you. Than what???

Save me!!

I am sure you would be able to get yourself out of this with some sort of trusty white lie; like -> oh, I forgot to take the dog out before I came here and I must rush back home right now or else he may crap on my new carpet. Nothing worse than a stained carpet to ruin your evening.

And there you go your evening is saved!

Now guys, you may be faced with a similar problem with this form of dating too. But, no fears either if the gal isn’t exactly what you thought she would be.

You say to her: Just a moment I need my app for excuses and then you can say -> Oh, I forgot today is Tuesday and every week at this time I meet-up with all my buddies at our knitting group, so sorry I have to rush now because I don’t what to miss out on how to knit a pair of socks. And there you go freed from the turmoil of the date.

I really don’t think the gal would believe you but then again it’s better than telling her straight out that you are not interested.

But I could be wrong here with this and maybe you both may hit it off and have a great time and then it’s money well invested. And if that is true then I hope both of you enjoy yourselves together!

Help I’m not wearing make-up

Low and behold another earth moving statistic about women wearing make-up. Couldn’t those researchers find something else to research besides make-up?

I was brought up with the idea that you shouldn’t wear make-up 24/7 so as to let your skin breath. But what do I know???

Now-a-days a gal wouldn’t step foot out of the house without paint on her face because it is too stressful for her, and let alone go on a date because the guy may see what she really looks like. What’s the world turning into when a gal is afraid that someone may see her without make-up on?? Does anyone have an answer????

Just image a guy decides to spend the night at your place for the first time and he wakes up in the morning only to be shocked by what he sees and almost has a heart attack because he has never seen the gal without make-up on her face. The guy may think that he has landed in the wrong bed with a stranger and not who he thought he went home with. Poor guy!

Whatever happen to the good’ol facial cream, mascara and lipstick? With those three simple products you can look good too. But when you use only those three products then the make-up industry could go broke.

What is it with all those companies trying to manipulate us gals into thinking that if we don’t wear make-up we’ll be stressed out. I ask myself: How have I survived so long by not always wearing make-up when I leave the house?

My boyfriend knows what I look like without make-up on and he finds it good. I am not ashamed of how my skin looks without make-up on and other gals shouldn’t be either.

Our skin was made that way and the real version can look good too. I have nothing against wearing make-up but why should you have to hide behind it, because sooner or later everyone you know will see you without it on.

Years ago the natural look was in but those days seem to be gone and it seems that everyone is hiding behind their make-up from the real world but they expose themselves on social networks on the internet without make-up, So where’s the sense in these studies if they are true at all and what are they trying to achieve with them???

I think gals should be a bit more confident and enjoy a make-up free day and you will be surprised at how nice it can be.

Looking for Mr. or Ms. Marble

I never before thought about being in love with a marble statue but supposedly somewhere in the world someone is.
This could be seen as bringing a whole new meaning to the words dating and relationships for guys and gals.

I’ll be somewhat old fashioned and start with “Ladies first” and list the pros and cons of such a relationship.

Pros
Your Mr. Marble never argues with you -> now this is a real plus and saves your nerves and you won’t go gray so fast from arguing with someone.

Never complains -> This is even better because there is no one there to say that dinner is cold or his shirts aren’t pressed right and so forth.

Virtually maintenance free -> never have to do any laundry or clean up after him, so this means more free time to do what you want.

There are many other things too that I could list here but then I would run out of space.

Though there are a couple of cons to a Mr. Marble too:

Mr. Marble can’t talk -> this makes for a very one sided conversation and could get boring after awhile, and because I love to talk; I am not too sure about such a guy.

Can’t take me out ->now here’s a real problem. Just think about it; you reserved a table at a nice restaurant and you show up with Mr. Marble and take your seat and he is seated next to you. Well, don’t be surprised if you get some strange looks, and the worst part is when you are finished you have to pay for the meal yourself, plus you never get invited out by Mr. Marble.

I like to be invited out, so this defiantly wouldn’t work for me!

The worst one is driving around in your car. You have to chauffeur Mr. Marble everywhere and pay for the gas on top of that too. But if you own a bicycle you can put Mr. Marble in the basket and ride around with him and be the envy of all your gal friends.

Still somehow a real guy seems more appealing to me. But then again I never had a Mr. Marble.

The worst thought of all is; what happens when Mr. Marble accidentally falls on the floor and shatters into a thousand pieces??? Will you be able to replace him and is he insured with accidental cover?

Otherwise, there could be serious trouble in your life, unless to deliberately threw Mr. Marble on the ground because you had enough of him and wanted a newer model. Now that’s not bad. No arguing crying or divorce. One drop and he’s out of your life!

Now guys, I haven’t forgotten you here either. There’s the Ms. Marble version who will never talk back to you either and can sit next to you hours on end as you watch sports on TV and never complaining about it. Or just plain o’l cruise around with Ms. Marble in the car and be the envy of all your buddies and the advantage of Ms. Marble is she’s a cheap date.
No more spending money on needless dates that don’t lead anywhere because Ms. Marble won’t lead you anywhere either. Ms. Marble will always have a face of stone so no worries there either.

This whole issue brings you to think that times are really changing and if you want to keep abreast of them, then maybe you should consider in investing in a Mr. or Ms. Marble at an unbelievable cheap price of $19.95 plus tax and a five year guarantee against rust. So rush out now before Friday and pick yourself up one for a stress free weekend.

Need a New Guy??

On Saturday while reading the newspaper I came across the section where guys are looking for gals and thought to myself “I have to read this, but how?
Because with my husband sitting across from me it would be rather difficult and I don’t want him to think that I want to replace him for someone who I read about in the newspaper.

But since it was a sunny day I knew that sooner or later he would go outside and wash the car, and if it was up to me it could be sooner. Then I wouldn’t have to wait soooo long to read this section of the newspaper with all those great guy ads.
It seemed to take ages before he went outside and then he asked me: If everything was ok, because I seemed a bit impatient today as if I wanted to get rid of him?

Do men have a built in App that tells them what gals are thinking?

Anyways, he finally went outside and I could finally finish reading the newspaper and take a closer look at what’s on offer out there in the world of guys.

A couple of agencies had toll-free numbers, so you could save money and others you had to call at your own expense (tight wads).
A lot of guys were older models looking for younger gals not older than 40 and offering them: cash, vacations and maybe more. The maybe more I found a bit vague because that could mean anything and probably not what I think it is.

There was a guy who said he was romantic, played golf and the accordion too. Now that I found really good because my husband can play golf but not the accordion, and this somehow gets me dreaming about being on the golf course with this guy.

The date starts at the first hole and he has teed-off and then I place my ball on the tee and he hands me a rose and my heart starts to flatter and before I have a chance to tee-off he plays a lovely tune on his accordion. This brings goose bumps to my skin and fall in love with him until we reach the 15th hole and he doesn’t have any beer with him for me to enjoy so my whole bubble of love has popped.

Another ad states that the guy is romantic, likes good food and no conversation.

How that works don’t ask me and I would not want a date with him either. I can see it now. I show up at his place he says to me you can cook and he sits there and watches some stupid program on TV and I end up eating what I cooked myself because he is busy texting his friends that he has got some chick at his place to cook for him. I like to talk and so that relationship would not work out for me.

The final ad was for a guy who owned a company and the chick could work for him as a “girl Friday”, and it is written in black & white: She by no means is to live at his place!!!

He is a real character and seems to have a one track mind wanting to boss others around and to top it off; I have to have my own place!! He’s got nerve…..

After reading all those ads I started to look out the window at my husband washing our car and thought -> he really isn’t such a bad guy after all when I compare him to the guys in the newspaper.

Plus an afterthought is that I have no idea whether or not the guys have even written the truth in the newspaper or is everything exaggerated so that all single gals will fall for them?

Who knows and who cares. All I can say if you want some good reading in the newspaper by all means read this section!!

For Guys who like Beer

While doing nothing all day at my desk just drinking coffee and surfing the internet; I came across an article that is a real “must have” for guys. Naturally, all you gal readers may want to rush out and buy one for your boyfriend or husband so please read on.

I must say I have never laughed so hard reading an article before and my secretary heard me laughing and came in and asked me if everything was ok and when I showed her the article she was in tears because she was laughing soooo hard too.

Guys you would never imagine were you can store your beer when you are out and about and it’s not in a flask either. Though you could put other beverages in there too if you do not drink beer.
Has anyone guessed where it’s strapped to your body???? Well, I will tell you the answer -> Hold onto your beer bottle now -> -> The answer is onto your body under your trousers or jeans and in a plastic thing and the spigot hangs out of your zipper.

My question on those guys who invented that: How can you serve your beer in the public? Maybe someone may think you’re a bit bonkers if you pull out the spigot from your jeans and pour yourself a fresh beer.

Another somewhat disturbing thought is that hopefully the guy is clean down there and is wearing fresh underwear, because I would not want to be served a fresh beer and find out that he hasn’t washed himself and isn’t wearing clean underwear. That thought somehow puts me off drinking beer.
And another thought how do you keep the beer cold without freezing your manly parts off? Do any of you guys have an answer to that ??? And if so please tell me.

But I seemed to have forgotten the good’ol guy side of things here. Guys could sit around and watch the football game together and everyone has their favorite brand of beer with them and the host only needs to supply the glasses or there could be spigot contests to see which guy’s spigot is the longest or you are at a meeting and it’s a warm day and one guy suggests “ How about a beer?” Everyone can get their paper cup out and the guy with the beer unzips his trousers and whips his spigot out and everyone can then can sit back and enjoy a beer. What more does a guy need???

On top of that I have thought of some other obstacles which you guys could encounter with such a great thing. In the summer there could be a problem when you are at the beach because you have to wear a pair of baggies otherwise, the guy would look a bit ridiculous in one of those tighter fitting swimming trunks. Then again it would be great if you are out fishing or even on the golf course -> imagine you are out on the golf course with your buddies playing a round and at the 10th hole everyone is thirsty for a beer; well all one of the guys has to do is whip out his spigot and everyone has their paper cups ready and there you go -> you can enjoy a lukewarm beer at the 10th hole!!!

I wonder how much beer such a thing holds?? Anything under a six pack seems a waste of time to me and wouldn’t be worth carrying around with you.

Plus, another dimension too this whole thing is the dating part. The guy asks a gal out and she says yes, and both decide to take a romantic walk on the beach watching the sunset and while you are walking enjoying the scenery the guy asks you if you would like a beer? You say: Yes

What does the guy do? He whips out 2 paper cups and his spigot from his fly and serves you a beer. That’s what I would call a really great time !!!!! let alone I would laugh my head off, but I know some gals could be shocked and then hopefully the guy has enough manners to say that his beer is in his trousers and ask if it is ok if he takes his spigot out.

But if you are adventurous like me I would enjoy the whole situation because it brings a whole new aspect to the meaning of going out for a drink.

So guys if you want to take your beer with you please don’t forget your beer container with the spigot for your jeans. Enjoy your beer!!!

Ink cartridges

Actually I didn’t want to write something today but what I experienced yesterday in the ink cartridge section of an electronics store is worth it.

While I was standing there in the ink cartridge section of the electronics store trying to find the right ink cartridge for my printer; I noticed out of the corner of my left eye a guy about 48 years old(I guess)and I could feel him staring at me, so I turned to look at him and he gave me a smile that said “ Hey, baby want a good time?”
Well, I gave him a look that said “I’ll break your arm if you try anything.” I could clearly see he got the message that I wasn’t interested in him.
But while I was still standing there another woman came along about his age and gave him a smile and was eyeing him. I knew now that I needed to hang around here a bit longer to see what would happen.

Years ago the vegetable section of the grocery store was the hot pick-up spot, but times have changed, now it’s the ink cartridge section of an electronics store. Who knows???

It’s true that you have a large variety of ink cartridges to choose from and it goes without saying that this could be a hot topic to talk about. I mean who wants to talk about cooking anymore when you can talk about changing an ink cartridge and then make a date with the other person.(How moving.)

I can see it now -> He asks you “Would you like to come over to my place and have a glass of wine and we can look at my printer too?”

How can a gal say no to such an offer? I would say “Yes” if he owns the right printer.

There you are you show up at his doorstep and he lets you in and you start with the normal small talk and a glass of wine and then he asks the moving question “ Would you like to see my printer?” I say “ok” and off to his home office it is. He opens the door of the room flicks on the light and there on his desk is an old ink jet printer and I stand there heartbroken because it wasn’t the sort of printer that I thought he would have! The whole time he was in the store he was bragging about his printer and leading me on .How could he do that to me???

I smiled and said “That’s a lovely printer.” But he knew my heart wasn’t there and so I had to let him down gently by saying that my printer is newer and it scans too. He seemed devastated but knew that we weren’t compatible.

Sorry, back to real life. The guy in the store started talking to the woman and asking her questions. That too my surprise she answered until he asked her “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” She told him in no uncertain terms to “ F…OFF!!!” He asked a straight forward question and got a straight forward answer.

I thought wow; that’s how it is now-a-days. Guys ask right out “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” They don’t waste time like years ago trying to get to know you or meet for a date. Now it’s you’re my girlfriend or not.

A tip to all you guys cruising for chicks in the ink cartridge section of an electronics store. Please use a better pick-up line if you want to meet chicks otherwise your ink may run out.