Lunchtime

Lunchtime can be a great and informative time. At the cafeteria today I was informed about some great happenings in some gals’ life and when you compared that to my life well, it sounds like my life is really boring.
Where’s the excitement????

If you go the cafeteria it can be a hotbed of gossip and intrigue. Those gals working there know what’s going on in the company and not the CEO. The CEO should talk to those gals to get the lowdown and then would know what is really happening in a company.
So all CEO’S out there don’t hide yourself in those executive lunches get to know the cafeteria of your company that you run because it can be an enlightening and informative experience!

Back to what I wanted to say; there was one gal behind the counter who so nicely gave the room a detailed account of her husband and I do say; if he knew about that there would be trouble to say the least when she got home that evening. But that really got my attention somehow and thought I should hang around a bit longer instead of going for a boring coffee. Plus I had always wondered about her and her life but would never ask.

Well, on Saturday morning her husband – she’s married (she added) he wasn’t going to paint the kitchen for her and if she wanted it done she had to do it herself because he was going to the football game. Basta!! She got a bit up set and said that she said some things that aren’t worth repeating -> I can only imagine. The perils of marriage!!

So, she told him to F!&-off in no terms and started to get the kitchen ready to paint it herself. She doesn’t look like a painter to me but hey what do I know?

Though her husband seemed to cool off a bit and decided to paint the kitchen in the evening after the football game.
She so nicely informed us that that he was wearing his FoL underpants and nothing else because he didn’t want to dirty his clothes. . If he only knew the world knew now what he was wearing while he was painting -> he would leave his wife!

And then the other women working with her so kindly gave a us all a detailed description of how her dog honked all over the carpet – this was really fitting for the cafeteria!
Then she went on to say that she heard that the boss was having an affair with his secretary and that she had first had information so it had to be true.
I thought wow – If he only knew that we all know now; we all may be fired.

Though I doubt that very much. Life can be so interesting at work. You only need to hang out at the right spots at the right time.
Enjoy your next work day and keep your ears open for any exciting news!

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Cold meals – Cold News

Now there’s nothing worse than being served a cold meal is there? Well, some guy walked out on his gal because she didn’t serve him a warm meal and so said good bye. Ok, not exactly like that but pretty close.

These days there seems to be an endless supply of interesting and moving information on the internet. I am so happy that this medium was invented to enrich my life and inform me about the problems others are having in their marriages.

I never knew marriages could go sour until the internet was invented and informed me of those happenings. I thought life was like on TV back in the good’ol days – when everyone was happy and there was never a harsh word. Ok, I know get real!

Everywhere you look on the internet there is someone divorcing someone because of something or they don’t like each other because he looked at another gal or she left him because he wouldn’t build her a closet for her shoes or some other such nonsense.

What’s the world turning into a wasp nest of divorce on the internet and is everyone really interested in knowing about all those folk’s private lives. I’m not, but I can’t avoid it because it’s there on the front pages of certain papers.

It’s too bad for the guy with the cold meal but maybe he did something to his gal and she finally thought “ I’ve had enough” and so she finally thought I will show you and served her guy a cold meal. Plus if the guy had half a brain he could have warmed it up in the microwave and saved the whole situation.

Nobody reported on why the women did that. I would like to know what made the women decide to do that. Please – tell us all why you did that to your guy because I am sure there was a good reason behind it.

So many stories are like that on the internet and why don’t they print both sides of the story then we readers can decide for ourselves who we feel sorry for and make our own conclusion as to who did the right thing or wrong thing.
Though that could mean extra work for the journalist who themselves are maybe too lazy to ask both parties about what happened or they are only interested in one side of the story and not both sides.

So, journalist next time you want to inform us all about who is divorcing who or some other such earth moving nonsense please give us both sides of the story otherwise it is really boring and not worth taking the time to read.

Merry me or Wait for me

Now you may not be able to guess what this is about or do you know? It’s about tying the knot and believe me for some folks that could be a long wait for their fiancée.

Now I know you should never rush in too fast to tie the knot of marriage. Fist you really need to get to know each other to be on the safe side of things; like I read the other day that couple decided to get engaged but not married because they wanted to be sure. How sure I ask and why did they get engaged if they want to wait?

Anyone know the answer here?

It could be that now-a-days getting married isn’t like it used to be and with the choices of guys and gals out there you want to make sure you have made the right choice before jumping into the hornets’ nest of marriage. Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses as they say and can sometimes be a bit trying on the nerves.

But I believe that’s why couples live longer because of the training of their nerves which makes your heart healthy because you can stand-up to anything that confronts you. Ok, please don’t misunderstand me here. I have nothing against marriage and think it’s great.

But I can image how those folks think about waiting a bit before jumping into that hot bed of marriage. Though how long do you wait? This question does not leave my mind… oh please

This is my theory for waiting:

  1. Make sure the guys has enough money – gals we need to keep up our supply of handbags and shoes or else that’s the end of life!
  2. Make sure someone can cook – nothing worse than coming home from work and no hot meal is on the table. A sure fire route to disaster.
  3. Both can use the washing machine – saves hours of slaving and gals this way we have more time for the important things in life like gossiping.
  4. Has he bought me the right size of diamond ring – love is shown by the size of the diamond or is the ad different?
  5. Is one of you a blanket hog – trouble in the bedroom! The hornets’ nest is starting to buzz….
  6.  Who has cold feet – a romantic killer – with this you can forget everything!
  7. Snoring – ear plugs please

 

Those I guess are really good reasons to wait to see if you jump into the pond of marriage and if the guy or gal passes the test than by all means you can get married.

Though it would be advisable to have a score card handy to jot down any of the numbers that seem to be troubling you and then after say 10 years you can compare scores with each other and then decide to set the wedding date.

And if you are planning ahead naturally the whole trial period should be with a limited guarantee, so if something should go sour then you can separate in a peaceful manner. Boy how easy life can be….

So, if you are considering tying the knot do make sure that you have chosen the right model and not get stuck with the wrong model – enjoy your trial period and then get married!!

 

Marriage has ended

This is a phenomenon that seems to be happening quite a bit now-a-days and somehow things aren’t like they used to be where you stayed together until death do us part. Those days are long gone.

My grandparents managed 60 years of martial bliss and stuck it out with each other no matter how dire the circumstances were. And I think if it was now-a-days my gran would have left my grandfather faster than you can bat an eyelid. But she was from the old school, so you stayed at the helm and kept a stiff upper lip no matter what.

There are interesting happenings in the world of divorce now-a-days and what people haggle over and about are truly amazing. Plus all these marital contracts to prevent one party from obtaining tooooo much money or possessions from the other person.

But the best is when it comes to things around the house for example the dish washer or washing machine; now who in their right mind would haggle over such things or end a marriage because of a machine? This supposedly happened somewhere in the world and how it exactly went I cannot remember but here is my interpretation of the whole deal.

It started out like this: The couple was in marital bliss and then reality set in were the woman did not train her hubby nor see if he was certified for doing housework and instead of talking to each other about the domestic problems they both let them pass by and one Christmas he bought his wife a dish washer for a present that she did not want. She had hoped for a pair of diamond earrings but -> bad luck!
Then as time went on he purchased her a new washing machine with all the programs but he was unwilling to learn how to use it and after a couple of heated conversations she told him to stick-it.

One day he finally thought he would wash his laundry himself and noted that this is good fun and started doing it regularly and said to his beloved wife you don’t need to do my laundry anymore. She got suspicious and thought maybe he had lipstick on his collar or the smell of another gal’s perfume on his shirts.

This whole scene started a real argument and she said to him: I’ll see you at my lawyers, because I am going to go back to my mother.

He said: Go ahead and so she steamed off with her one and only suitcase and the dishwasher that he had given her. He would not allow her to take the washing machine because he had fallen in love with it and he wasn’t going to part with it.

They met a couple of days later at her lawyers and they came to an amicable agreement were she got some cash and he could keep the washing machine.

The moral of the story is talk to each other and don’t let a washing machine ruin your marriage.

For Guys who like Beer

While doing nothing all day at my desk just drinking coffee and surfing the internet; I came across an article that is a real “must have” for guys. Naturally, all you gal readers may want to rush out and buy one for your boyfriend or husband so please read on.

I must say I have never laughed so hard reading an article before and my secretary heard me laughing and came in and asked me if everything was ok and when I showed her the article she was in tears because she was laughing soooo hard too.

Guys you would never imagine were you can store your beer when you are out and about and it’s not in a flask either. Though you could put other beverages in there too if you do not drink beer.
Has anyone guessed where it’s strapped to your body???? Well, I will tell you the answer -> Hold onto your beer bottle now -> -> The answer is onto your body under your trousers or jeans and in a plastic thing and the spigot hangs out of your zipper.

My question on those guys who invented that: How can you serve your beer in the public? Maybe someone may think you’re a bit bonkers if you pull out the spigot from your jeans and pour yourself a fresh beer.

Another somewhat disturbing thought is that hopefully the guy is clean down there and is wearing fresh underwear, because I would not want to be served a fresh beer and find out that he hasn’t washed himself and isn’t wearing clean underwear. That thought somehow puts me off drinking beer.
And another thought how do you keep the beer cold without freezing your manly parts off? Do any of you guys have an answer to that ??? And if so please tell me.

But I seemed to have forgotten the good’ol guy side of things here. Guys could sit around and watch the football game together and everyone has their favorite brand of beer with them and the host only needs to supply the glasses or there could be spigot contests to see which guy’s spigot is the longest or you are at a meeting and it’s a warm day and one guy suggests “ How about a beer?” Everyone can get their paper cup out and the guy with the beer unzips his trousers and whips his spigot out and everyone can then can sit back and enjoy a beer. What more does a guy need???

On top of that I have thought of some other obstacles which you guys could encounter with such a great thing. In the summer there could be a problem when you are at the beach because you have to wear a pair of baggies otherwise, the guy would look a bit ridiculous in one of those tighter fitting swimming trunks. Then again it would be great if you are out fishing or even on the golf course -> imagine you are out on the golf course with your buddies playing a round and at the 10th hole everyone is thirsty for a beer; well all one of the guys has to do is whip out his spigot and everyone has their paper cups ready and there you go -> you can enjoy a lukewarm beer at the 10th hole!!!

I wonder how much beer such a thing holds?? Anything under a six pack seems a waste of time to me and wouldn’t be worth carrying around with you.

Plus, another dimension too this whole thing is the dating part. The guy asks a gal out and she says yes, and both decide to take a romantic walk on the beach watching the sunset and while you are walking enjoying the scenery the guy asks you if you would like a beer? You say: Yes

What does the guy do? He whips out 2 paper cups and his spigot from his fly and serves you a beer. That’s what I would call a really great time !!!!! let alone I would laugh my head off, but I know some gals could be shocked and then hopefully the guy has enough manners to say that his beer is in his trousers and ask if it is ok if he takes his spigot out.

But if you are adventurous like me I would enjoy the whole situation because it brings a whole new aspect to the meaning of going out for a drink.

So guys if you want to take your beer with you please don’t forget your beer container with the spigot for your jeans. Enjoy your beer!!!

Turmoil with Toilet Paper

This tidbit of information is something that you must know about.(I am busy tomorrow bossing people around, so I thought I would post it now)

I could hardly believe my eyes when I read that there are public buildings with toilet paper shortages. This means that supplies are running out and that one should always have a spare roll of toilet paper with them whenever they leave the house.
For us gals that’s no problem because we have our trusty handbag with us so a roll can be stuffed in it.
But for guys I see a problem because you can’t walk around with a roll of toilet paper in your hand; though maybe it could be a new fashion accessory for 2012?
Toilet paper holder for guys; a must for 2012 and you could also get a special toilet roll holder for your car and it’s standard in all new models. And the most important “must have” toilet paper App, so you know where to buy the brand you want.

Plus, just image color coordinated roll of toilet paper that either matches your shirt or suit that you are wearing and at the same time you are prepared for anything because you have your trusty roll of toilet paper with you. I am going to suggest this to my husband and he can give a presentation about this to his male business colleagues and they then can decide on how to best approach this problem. And once I know the answer I will let you know. Ok?

Just writing this here gives me a feeling that I must go and check to see that I have enough rolls of toilet paper here because leaving the house without my trusty roll could be dangerous if I have to go unexpectedly and I don’t have my roll with me and there is no one else around with a roll either. Maybe I will go out and buy a family pack later on today and then I am ready for all toilet paper problems.

Think about it- no one ever really thinks about the wonders of a roll of toilet paper. That stuff has been around for years in all colors and quality. I love toilet paper and am not ashamed to admit it. And I bet there’s some of you out there too who love toilet paper but just don’t want to admit it.

There’s the sort of recycled toilet paper that would take the skin off your backside if you used it -> it’s environmentally friendly cause it’s a gray color and after you use it you may need a tube of hemorrhoid ointment to protect you from the environmentally friendly toilet paper. So how am I protecting the environment?

Then there’s the bright colored sort -> My gran (great woman) always had purple because it matched her bathroom and turned the water in the toilet bowl the same color. I used to love to go into the bathroom as a kid and just tear off the sheets and throw them into the water and watch it change color in a matter of seconds. Doing that was better than any computer game and provided hours of fun too.

Now I don’t want to think about what it did to my backside let alone the chemicals that were in it. But hey, I’m still alive and enjoying life. Maybe it is because I used that purple toilet paper. Do they still make it in that color???

Then there’s the normal boring white with its different ply’s now this is toilet paper!
Whether or not it can hold up to the purple stuff I’m not too sure. And the white stuff does not make the water a neat color. So that makes it sort of boring. But it’s probably better for your backside.

So just remember next time you want to go out don’t forget your trusty roll of toilet paper that can provide you with the feeling of security that you need when you “must go”.

Shocking News !

Well as you all know I am an avid reader and like to keep myself up-to-date on all the latest scientific studies. I don’t want to be left behind because I didn’t read an important article that could possible influence my life.

Scientists have come to the conclusion that after years of extensive research that men are not good at or nor do they like doing housework. I am sure the scientists who were involved in this study were men so they too could get out of doing the housework by saying: “Honey, I have to go to the lab now and sorry I won’t be able to help you around the house, but I am sure you can manage the job alone.”

All I can say here is -> he’s lucky he’s not my husband!!!

My question on those guys is: “Why didn’t they just ask me?” I could have given them the answer even though I don’t have a PhD in housework; but I do have enough experience to know what I am talking about here when it comes to doing housework. Though the problem could have been that the scientists forgot to sort their laundry out and the colors bled which held up progress and that’s why the study took so long and they forgot to ask me.

I can only speak for myself here and maybe some of you gals see it the same way as I do. If your husband, boyfriend or guy did the housework without asking him too; it would make front pager news on the local newspaper. I would faint from shock if that happened!!!

Again they listed what men don’t do or do very good around the house:

● Don’t sort the laundry before washing it -> Why, if it’s all the same color there’s less work.

● Don’t like to vacuum -> What happened to the British guy who invented the vacuum cleaner for men? I bet it doesn’t have enough space age technology.

● Can’t manage the dishes -> Just image going to the office with dish pan hands….A good reason to steer clear of this job.

● Repairing things -> Who has the right tool for the job? I’ll be back in an hour with the right tool and hopefully by then you will have forgotten about the job!

So really with all those arguments how could you even imagine thinking about asking your hubby to do the housework????
I find the best one is small repairs around the house. I asked my hubby recently to drill a hole in the wall and put a screw with a fastener thing on it in the hole so I could hang a picture on the wall.

After asking about a trillion times (you know what I’m talking about) I got the electric drill out and all the other stuff that I needed for the job and then my hubby asked me “What am I doing with his drill?” I explained to him what I wanted to do, but he said “Not with my tools!”

I asked myself: Since when are those bloody things his? He went on to explain that I had enough stuff like a dishwasher, washing machine and dryer that he had bought especially for me. I could have exploded when I heard that…
I asked “What about the tools?” and he said “no their mine.”

So, from this incident I could clearly see that household chores are delegated accordingly and I have come to this conclusion without any scientific evidence or research.

But at that moment it dawned on me that I should hold training seminars, so all those men could learn the intricacies of housework and earn themselves a degree in housework. This way when a gal meets a prospective guy he could proudly show her his housework degree and that they know how to do housework; plus the certificate is like software with yearly up-dates so it doesn’t run on the wrong program. And this way it ensures that the gal knows exactly what their getting before they decide to tie the knot.

So, gals please check that your guy is certified guaranteeing quality housework and not like those men in the scientific study.

My Husband’s skin

As you all remember last week I mentioned that my husband had and still has stressed-out skin. Well I thought on Saturday evening while we were dinning out at the local pizzeria that I would broach the subject again.

I had been thinking all week about what should I say to my husband and how can I ask him about his stressed out skin. I also noted that he didn’t buy himself any facial cream or if he did, than he had it hidden in his desk drawer at work so I wouldn’t know about it. Though this I doubt very much because sometimes he can be a real tight wad when it comes to buying things that he or we really need. This I believe could be a male trait and females tend to be more lighthearted with their money (at least that’s how I see it).

Anyways, during the course of the meal I popped the question about the facial cream because on Tuesday morning when the alarm clock went off I almost fell out of bed when he rolled over and wanted to give me a kiss. You should have seen his face with those words “stressed-out skin” written all over it. I just couldn’t kiss him because I was in such a state of shock with heart palpitations!!!!

And when I asked “Honey, did you buy yourself any facial cream this week?” I gave me a look and said “It’s none of your GD business.” I thought boy is he in a bad mood and why is he so upset about my question? I mean really, I am a caring wife and only want the best for him and it seems that because his skin is stressed-out that he is stressed out too. I will never understand the male species.

So after we finished our meal in silence (I am sure many of you know what I am talking about here). I suggested that we go quickly to the mall before it closes. And thank goodness he agreed to drive there or else I wouldn’t have managed the rest of the weekend!!!

Once at the mall I decided it is better if we meet-up in an hour otherwise this could end up in a heated conversation and that I really wanted to avoid at all costs.

So as we went our separate ways I headed right for the shop that sells beauty products and creams. Once inside I explained to the sales woman my problem and she told me that: “you know there’s a lot of that going around at the moment so you better be careful or else.” I wondered to myself what does “or else” mean. She got me thinking but I thought to myself that I had to keep a clear head.

While I was standing there waiting for the sale woman to return with the facial cream that I wanted; who walks into the store -> low and behold “MY HUSBAND”!!!! He asked me what I was doing there. And I told him” Buying him a facial cream.” There was a moment of silence because he didn’t know what to say and then he said to me that was so nice of me to care for him. I just smiled at him and he started to explain to me why he was soooo up set earlier in the evening.

My husband said that on the meeting on Monday (all guys) that they decided to meet-up again on Wednesday with their pie charts to discuss the problem of “stressed-out skin” and that according to statistics that they had gathered (source unknown) this seemed to be a rampant problem worldwide and that there were beauty farms popping up everywhere to take care of this problem and that next month he and his pie chart guys are going to one of these for a business trip wellness weekend.
I told him “good luck” because some of you may really need a wellness weekend to get unstressed.

I just hope after this trip that my husband won’t have this problem anymore and that any of you male readers reading this take note: Don’t let stressed out skin ruin your weekend.

Gal’s day

I totally forgot that yesterday was World Women’s Day. What kind of woman am I then? Please don’t think that I don’t like being women because I forgot this day. My problem was I had to work and do all the things women do in our modern society.

I ask how come nobody ever throws a party for us gals on that day and we get the day off, naturally with pay. Hopefull wishing on my part…

I recently found some interesting reading literature about how us gals used to be years ago, and I must say I would fail in all areas and it went something like this, though I cannot remember exactly.

• Greet you partner with a smile when he comes home and make sure you are wearing a dress and make-up. -> My partner would be suspicious right away and ask me what I was up to and were had I been and if I am feeling ok. Definitely a bad idea in my household!

• Make him a drink and listen to him complain about his day -> What about me? Maybe I need a drink after hearing him.

• Cook for him -> And then he doesn’t show up on time and he complains that the meal is soggy. No thank you; I don’t want that headache.

• Show him your love -> Right, I’m dead tired from work, shopping and household and I am supposed to be in the mood, sorry!

I wonder if anyone really did that stuff and did it work???? Somehow I can’t imagine that it functioned more than a week at tops because I wouldn’t have the energy to carry out such a charade for a whole week let along my whole life.
Though my problem could be that my mom never gave me the right training but then again when I think back about my mom (bless her sole) wasn’t like that either. So, how could I learn anything?

I think they need to reinvent this whole thing about who does what and when. I love to boss people around at work but at home that doesn’t seem to function so well my husband just looks at me and says: “ Honey, you’re at home now remember.” I could pop him one.

This whole business about emancipation and such is it really there and have times really changed that much? Or is it just an illusion that we gals like to think that we are modern and the men still have the trousers on? I have been contemplating this question for years and still haven’t come up with an answer and probably never will.

We gals must just enjoy life where ever the path takes us.

The passing away of my cell phone

My trusty cell phone (without apps) after many years of faithful service decided to say good bye to me and make its way to cell phone heaven. This was a very sad day for me and I am sure many of you have experienced this too. It’s like losing a good friend and if my phone could speak it could have told you many a tale.

After mourning for a few days I finally pulled myself together and visited the store of my provider and I knew once when I passed through those doors I would have to dig deep into my pocket for a new trusty cell phone. You have no idea how heartbroken I was, too slowly see and experience that my trusty phone was no longer able to perform its normal functions and that it was beyond repair. -> I cried

Now inside the store I never realized before what a vast selection there is of cell phones and they come in every shape size and color and with so many devices to choose from I am flabbergasted. Plus with all the things these phones can do I’m pretty sure they can cook-up a good dinner too if you push the right button or app. That’s modern technology at its finest!

Then all of a sudden a sale woman about my age approaches me with a blouse on that’s soooooo tight the buttons are about to pop off and her chest would put a Holstein cow to shame (garage job). If you know what I mean? I thought this chick is here for the guy customers to distract them so that they will spend more money than they actually intended to spend.

A word of advice gals -> hold onto your guy when you go into this store!!!!

Anyways, she asks me: Can I help you and your husband? I thought to myself she’s not speaking to me hopefully because you can clearly see that I am alone.
The she looked right at me and repeated the same question. I looked at her and said: “Yes, you can help me.” And she said “What about your husband?” I thought are you nuts – there’s isn’t one man in the whole store and what’s my husband got to do with this here?

I said “ I can manage to choose my new cell phone alone.” Boy did that take the wind out of her sails fast and I got a real dirty look to boot. Now she was confronted with me and that meant she may have to work because I wasn’t so impressed with her big t..ts.
I knew right from the start that she didn’t know a thing about cell phones because when I asked her about a certain model she wasn’t even sure if they even sold that brand. I thought great!! But then again I thought this could be fun and so asked her if they had a cell phone that was made in C…a ?
And she so expertly answered me by saying that she has no idea where cell phones are manufactured – so I knew now that I was in good hands here with a real professional sales woman.

Well, we discussed the tariffs and other such options that the company offers and we came to an agreement and I signed all the papers.
But before I left the shop I experienced another heartbreaking blow.

The sale woman said to me that I could dispose of my old phone by putting it in the recycling bag next time I come by. I told the woman how she can be so insensitive and talk that way about my beloved phone that had just passed away. And then she said to me with tears in her eyes “ I understand exactly what you are going through because my phone passed away last month and I had my phone longer then I was married and I loved my phone dearly maybe even more then my husband. I said: “Oh, that’s interesting to hear.”

So you see we all love our cell phones whether we like to admit it or not. Cherish yours and when it comes time gently set it to rest in cell phone heaven.