Looking thinner in Jeans ?

Well, our worries are over with the new super girdle jeans. They are supposed to make you look thinner. But do they??

Well, since I got off work early today I thought I would stroll through the stores and try to find a great pair of girdle jeans. I know they have another more modern name but at the end of the day it’s like a girdle. I somehow like this name though I know stretch sounds better to us gals.

Once I was in a store that sold jeans I saw them there amongst the mature women’s fashion. I felt like I have been kicked in my shins when I saw the sign but then gave it another thought and asked the sales assistant “what age group are the jeans for because it says for mature women?”

Well , as always she told me it was for women over 40 and those jeans were right for me . I didn’t know what to say and asked: What if you are under 40; than do you have other sorts of jeans?

Now that question seemed to rile the sale assistant a bit because she didn’t know what to say to me. And said there are normal jeans. I thought now what are normal jeans?

Do you wear normal jeans or not normal jeans??

I thought my jeans I had on were normal but I must say I have never considered this fact before. I then decided to ask for a pair of those girdle jeans so I could try them on and see my great new figure in them.

So while waiting for a pair in my size I thought boy my guy is going to fall over when he sees me in these and will say” you look great!” Ok, I know I am dreaming ….. and he’ll more likely say “ oh, a new pair of jeans- nice.”

After squirming into the jeans I felt it could be a bit difficult to sit down and I think these jeans are made for a party where everyone is standing around trying to look good and you are not allowed to eat or drink anything either or else …. An explosion and they won’t be those skin tight girdle jeans but, the I popped the button jeans.

Jeans aren’t like they used to be.

Now-a-days they seem to make your figure look like a giant overstuffed thing. Years ago you could slip a pair of jeans on and wow they looked good. Everyone says that my figure has changed through the years. I find this hard to believe and think that their eyesight is failing them.

Jeans are just not what they used to be and no one can change my mind!!

I love my jeans but I don’t think my jeans love me like they used too and maybe some of you gals know exactly what I am talking about here. Our great jeans somehow don’t fit like they used too. I could cry!!

Why do jeans do that to us gals? Guys don’t have the jeans problem like we do or do you?
Jeans have been my faithful fashion companion for years and I don’t want to say good bye to them just yet either. Why don’t they make jeans that make mature women look attractive? Or are we a group that doesn’t count anymore?

Maybe, some company who makes jeans may read this and say, hey great idea and tell us that they make jeans that make our figure look good too without strech or a sewn in a girdle to flatten our tummies. I will be waiting!!

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For Guys who like Beer

While doing nothing all day at my desk just drinking coffee and surfing the internet; I came across an article that is a real “must have” for guys. Naturally, all you gal readers may want to rush out and buy one for your boyfriend or husband so please read on.

I must say I have never laughed so hard reading an article before and my secretary heard me laughing and came in and asked me if everything was ok and when I showed her the article she was in tears because she was laughing soooo hard too.

Guys you would never imagine were you can store your beer when you are out and about and it’s not in a flask either. Though you could put other beverages in there too if you do not drink beer.
Has anyone guessed where it’s strapped to your body???? Well, I will tell you the answer -> Hold onto your beer bottle now -> -> The answer is onto your body under your trousers or jeans and in a plastic thing and the spigot hangs out of your zipper.

My question on those guys who invented that: How can you serve your beer in the public? Maybe someone may think you’re a bit bonkers if you pull out the spigot from your jeans and pour yourself a fresh beer.

Another somewhat disturbing thought is that hopefully the guy is clean down there and is wearing fresh underwear, because I would not want to be served a fresh beer and find out that he hasn’t washed himself and isn’t wearing clean underwear. That thought somehow puts me off drinking beer.
And another thought how do you keep the beer cold without freezing your manly parts off? Do any of you guys have an answer to that ??? And if so please tell me.

But I seemed to have forgotten the good’ol guy side of things here. Guys could sit around and watch the football game together and everyone has their favorite brand of beer with them and the host only needs to supply the glasses or there could be spigot contests to see which guy’s spigot is the longest or you are at a meeting and it’s a warm day and one guy suggests “ How about a beer?” Everyone can get their paper cup out and the guy with the beer unzips his trousers and whips his spigot out and everyone can then can sit back and enjoy a beer. What more does a guy need???

On top of that I have thought of some other obstacles which you guys could encounter with such a great thing. In the summer there could be a problem when you are at the beach because you have to wear a pair of baggies otherwise, the guy would look a bit ridiculous in one of those tighter fitting swimming trunks. Then again it would be great if you are out fishing or even on the golf course -> imagine you are out on the golf course with your buddies playing a round and at the 10th hole everyone is thirsty for a beer; well all one of the guys has to do is whip out his spigot and everyone has their paper cups ready and there you go -> you can enjoy a lukewarm beer at the 10th hole!!!

I wonder how much beer such a thing holds?? Anything under a six pack seems a waste of time to me and wouldn’t be worth carrying around with you.

Plus, another dimension too this whole thing is the dating part. The guy asks a gal out and she says yes, and both decide to take a romantic walk on the beach watching the sunset and while you are walking enjoying the scenery the guy asks you if you would like a beer? You say: Yes

What does the guy do? He whips out 2 paper cups and his spigot from his fly and serves you a beer. That’s what I would call a really great time !!!!! let alone I would laugh my head off, but I know some gals could be shocked and then hopefully the guy has enough manners to say that his beer is in his trousers and ask if it is ok if he takes his spigot out.

But if you are adventurous like me I would enjoy the whole situation because it brings a whole new aspect to the meaning of going out for a drink.

So guys if you want to take your beer with you please don’t forget your beer container with the spigot for your jeans. Enjoy your beer!!!

Turmoil with Toilet Paper

This tidbit of information is something that you must know about.(I am busy tomorrow bossing people around, so I thought I would post it now)

I could hardly believe my eyes when I read that there are public buildings with toilet paper shortages. This means that supplies are running out and that one should always have a spare roll of toilet paper with them whenever they leave the house.
For us gals that’s no problem because we have our trusty handbag with us so a roll can be stuffed in it.
But for guys I see a problem because you can’t walk around with a roll of toilet paper in your hand; though maybe it could be a new fashion accessory for 2012?
Toilet paper holder for guys; a must for 2012 and you could also get a special toilet roll holder for your car and it’s standard in all new models. And the most important “must have” toilet paper App, so you know where to buy the brand you want.

Plus, just image color coordinated roll of toilet paper that either matches your shirt or suit that you are wearing and at the same time you are prepared for anything because you have your trusty roll of toilet paper with you. I am going to suggest this to my husband and he can give a presentation about this to his male business colleagues and they then can decide on how to best approach this problem. And once I know the answer I will let you know. Ok?

Just writing this here gives me a feeling that I must go and check to see that I have enough rolls of toilet paper here because leaving the house without my trusty roll could be dangerous if I have to go unexpectedly and I don’t have my roll with me and there is no one else around with a roll either. Maybe I will go out and buy a family pack later on today and then I am ready for all toilet paper problems.

Think about it- no one ever really thinks about the wonders of a roll of toilet paper. That stuff has been around for years in all colors and quality. I love toilet paper and am not ashamed to admit it. And I bet there’s some of you out there too who love toilet paper but just don’t want to admit it.

There’s the sort of recycled toilet paper that would take the skin off your backside if you used it -> it’s environmentally friendly cause it’s a gray color and after you use it you may need a tube of hemorrhoid ointment to protect you from the environmentally friendly toilet paper. So how am I protecting the environment?

Then there’s the bright colored sort -> My gran (great woman) always had purple because it matched her bathroom and turned the water in the toilet bowl the same color. I used to love to go into the bathroom as a kid and just tear off the sheets and throw them into the water and watch it change color in a matter of seconds. Doing that was better than any computer game and provided hours of fun too.

Now I don’t want to think about what it did to my backside let alone the chemicals that were in it. But hey, I’m still alive and enjoying life. Maybe it is because I used that purple toilet paper. Do they still make it in that color???

Then there’s the normal boring white with its different ply’s now this is toilet paper!
Whether or not it can hold up to the purple stuff I’m not too sure. And the white stuff does not make the water a neat color. So that makes it sort of boring. But it’s probably better for your backside.

So just remember next time you want to go out don’t forget your trusty roll of toilet paper that can provide you with the feeling of security that you need when you “must go”.

The Problem Bra

Now this is news that gals can’t miss out on!!

Did you know that if you don’t wear the right bra your day could be ruined? Once I read that I knew right away that I could have serious bra problems if I didn’t wear the right bra.

I could see it now out and about and everyone having x-ray perception (like years ago) and they could see through my blouse and say -> I knew that she had the wrong bra on. Well, this would really ruin my day let alone my ego.

This whole issue got me thinking about my bra’s and I started to sweat and once I had all my bra’s laid out on the bed; I realized that some of them really were the sort of bra that could ruin my day.

Well, once I pulled myself together I jumped into my car and drove to the bra store to see what I could find. Wow, once inside the store I just stood there in shock looking at all those bras and seeing how many models there are and the vast array of colors which was really unbelievable.

Because I normally never visit such a bra store I thought I needed help. A sales woman came over (a bit top heavy) and asked if she could help me? I informed her that according to scientists I needed some new bras. I was indeed lucky because she had read about this too and understood my dilemma. I was relieved!!!

I couldn’t face the world or my boyfriend anymore without the right bra on. So after the sales woman took my measurements she suggested that she choose a couple of models to try on. I thought “OK”

But somehow the sales woman hadn’t really been listening to what I said earlier to what sort of bra I needed. I admit I am not flat as a pancake nor well endowed -> but help gravity is taking its toll!!!

I really need a full support model that should boost my ego and also one with the push-up effect (whatever there is too push-up???) I ask….

The sales woman chooses about 10 bras for all occasions. The first one a flimsy thing that would look good on a younger gal but “NOT ME” – I would scare my boyfriend off if I wore such a bra and then I would have a real bra problem.

But after looking at all those ego boosting bras I couldn’t say that my ego was really boosted. Actually, just the opposite.

But after a couple of minutes contemplating I choose 3 sturdy models that would lift my ego along with my boobs. Those bras are soooooo sturdy they could be used as a bullet proof vest and they even guarantee a perfect fit. With the guarantee I am a bit skeptical thought because if I gain or lose weight then there is no more perfect fit and will I get my money back then?

Once back home I wanted to show off my new “ must have” bras to my boyfriend; so I modeled them for him saying that they should boost my ego according to scientific research.

And what did he say: “According to me your old ones looked better.” And added that “why do you always get sucked into believing all that scientific nonsense?”

As you can imagine at first I was upset but then I got to thinking about what he said and I came to the conclusion that if you are happy with yourself then it really doesn’t matter what sort of bra you are wearing. And those scientists were probably paid by some bra manufacture because bra sales are slumping and with that sort of nonsense they are trying to play on the feelings of us gals.

Stand-up for yourself gals and wear whatever sort of bra that you want because you are wearing the bra for not one of those scientist.

My Husband’s skin

As you all remember last week I mentioned that my husband had and still has stressed-out skin. Well I thought on Saturday evening while we were dinning out at the local pizzeria that I would broach the subject again.

I had been thinking all week about what should I say to my husband and how can I ask him about his stressed out skin. I also noted that he didn’t buy himself any facial cream or if he did, than he had it hidden in his desk drawer at work so I wouldn’t know about it. Though this I doubt very much because sometimes he can be a real tight wad when it comes to buying things that he or we really need. This I believe could be a male trait and females tend to be more lighthearted with their money (at least that’s how I see it).

Anyways, during the course of the meal I popped the question about the facial cream because on Tuesday morning when the alarm clock went off I almost fell out of bed when he rolled over and wanted to give me a kiss. You should have seen his face with those words “stressed-out skin” written all over it. I just couldn’t kiss him because I was in such a state of shock with heart palpitations!!!!

And when I asked “Honey, did you buy yourself any facial cream this week?” I gave me a look and said “It’s none of your GD business.” I thought boy is he in a bad mood and why is he so upset about my question? I mean really, I am a caring wife and only want the best for him and it seems that because his skin is stressed-out that he is stressed out too. I will never understand the male species.

So after we finished our meal in silence (I am sure many of you know what I am talking about here). I suggested that we go quickly to the mall before it closes. And thank goodness he agreed to drive there or else I wouldn’t have managed the rest of the weekend!!!

Once at the mall I decided it is better if we meet-up in an hour otherwise this could end up in a heated conversation and that I really wanted to avoid at all costs.

So as we went our separate ways I headed right for the shop that sells beauty products and creams. Once inside I explained to the sales woman my problem and she told me that: “you know there’s a lot of that going around at the moment so you better be careful or else.” I wondered to myself what does “or else” mean. She got me thinking but I thought to myself that I had to keep a clear head.

While I was standing there waiting for the sale woman to return with the facial cream that I wanted; who walks into the store -> low and behold “MY HUSBAND”!!!! He asked me what I was doing there. And I told him” Buying him a facial cream.” There was a moment of silence because he didn’t know what to say and then he said to me that was so nice of me to care for him. I just smiled at him and he started to explain to me why he was soooo up set earlier in the evening.

My husband said that on the meeting on Monday (all guys) that they decided to meet-up again on Wednesday with their pie charts to discuss the problem of “stressed-out skin” and that according to statistics that they had gathered (source unknown) this seemed to be a rampant problem worldwide and that there were beauty farms popping up everywhere to take care of this problem and that next month he and his pie chart guys are going to one of these for a business trip wellness weekend.
I told him “good luck” because some of you may really need a wellness weekend to get unstressed.

I just hope after this trip that my husband won’t have this problem anymore and that any of you male readers reading this take note: Don’t let stressed out skin ruin your weekend.

Ink cartridges

Actually I didn’t want to write something today but what I experienced yesterday in the ink cartridge section of an electronics store is worth it.

While I was standing there in the ink cartridge section of the electronics store trying to find the right ink cartridge for my printer; I noticed out of the corner of my left eye a guy about 48 years old(I guess)and I could feel him staring at me, so I turned to look at him and he gave me a smile that said “ Hey, baby want a good time?”
Well, I gave him a look that said “I’ll break your arm if you try anything.” I could clearly see he got the message that I wasn’t interested in him.
But while I was still standing there another woman came along about his age and gave him a smile and was eyeing him. I knew now that I needed to hang around here a bit longer to see what would happen.

Years ago the vegetable section of the grocery store was the hot pick-up spot, but times have changed, now it’s the ink cartridge section of an electronics store. Who knows???

It’s true that you have a large variety of ink cartridges to choose from and it goes without saying that this could be a hot topic to talk about. I mean who wants to talk about cooking anymore when you can talk about changing an ink cartridge and then make a date with the other person.(How moving.)

I can see it now -> He asks you “Would you like to come over to my place and have a glass of wine and we can look at my printer too?”

How can a gal say no to such an offer? I would say “Yes” if he owns the right printer.

There you are you show up at his doorstep and he lets you in and you start with the normal small talk and a glass of wine and then he asks the moving question “ Would you like to see my printer?” I say “ok” and off to his home office it is. He opens the door of the room flicks on the light and there on his desk is an old ink jet printer and I stand there heartbroken because it wasn’t the sort of printer that I thought he would have! The whole time he was in the store he was bragging about his printer and leading me on .How could he do that to me???

I smiled and said “That’s a lovely printer.” But he knew my heart wasn’t there and so I had to let him down gently by saying that my printer is newer and it scans too. He seemed devastated but knew that we weren’t compatible.

Sorry, back to real life. The guy in the store started talking to the woman and asking her questions. That too my surprise she answered until he asked her “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” She told him in no uncertain terms to “ F…OFF!!!” He asked a straight forward question and got a straight forward answer.

I thought wow; that’s how it is now-a-days. Guys ask right out “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” They don’t waste time like years ago trying to get to know you or meet for a date. Now it’s you’re my girlfriend or not.

A tip to all you guys cruising for chicks in the ink cartridge section of an electronics store. Please use a better pick-up line if you want to meet chicks otherwise your ink may run out.

The passing away of my cell phone

My trusty cell phone (without apps) after many years of faithful service decided to say good bye to me and make its way to cell phone heaven. This was a very sad day for me and I am sure many of you have experienced this too. It’s like losing a good friend and if my phone could speak it could have told you many a tale.

After mourning for a few days I finally pulled myself together and visited the store of my provider and I knew once when I passed through those doors I would have to dig deep into my pocket for a new trusty cell phone. You have no idea how heartbroken I was, too slowly see and experience that my trusty phone was no longer able to perform its normal functions and that it was beyond repair. -> I cried

Now inside the store I never realized before what a vast selection there is of cell phones and they come in every shape size and color and with so many devices to choose from I am flabbergasted. Plus with all the things these phones can do I’m pretty sure they can cook-up a good dinner too if you push the right button or app. That’s modern technology at its finest!

Then all of a sudden a sale woman about my age approaches me with a blouse on that’s soooooo tight the buttons are about to pop off and her chest would put a Holstein cow to shame (garage job). If you know what I mean? I thought this chick is here for the guy customers to distract them so that they will spend more money than they actually intended to spend.

A word of advice gals -> hold onto your guy when you go into this store!!!!

Anyways, she asks me: Can I help you and your husband? I thought to myself she’s not speaking to me hopefully because you can clearly see that I am alone.
The she looked right at me and repeated the same question. I looked at her and said: “Yes, you can help me.” And she said “What about your husband?” I thought are you nuts – there’s isn’t one man in the whole store and what’s my husband got to do with this here?

I said “ I can manage to choose my new cell phone alone.” Boy did that take the wind out of her sails fast and I got a real dirty look to boot. Now she was confronted with me and that meant she may have to work because I wasn’t so impressed with her big t..ts.
I knew right from the start that she didn’t know a thing about cell phones because when I asked her about a certain model she wasn’t even sure if they even sold that brand. I thought great!! But then again I thought this could be fun and so asked her if they had a cell phone that was made in C…a ?
And she so expertly answered me by saying that she has no idea where cell phones are manufactured – so I knew now that I was in good hands here with a real professional sales woman.

Well, we discussed the tariffs and other such options that the company offers and we came to an agreement and I signed all the papers.
But before I left the shop I experienced another heartbreaking blow.

The sale woman said to me that I could dispose of my old phone by putting it in the recycling bag next time I come by. I told the woman how she can be so insensitive and talk that way about my beloved phone that had just passed away. And then she said to me with tears in her eyes “ I understand exactly what you are going through because my phone passed away last month and I had my phone longer then I was married and I loved my phone dearly maybe even more then my husband. I said: “Oh, that’s interesting to hear.”

So you see we all love our cell phones whether we like to admit it or not. Cherish yours and when it comes time gently set it to rest in cell phone heaven.

Help I need a facial cream

We all know this problem that you need to keep your skin moist and soft( so they say) and so with the signs of aging – I hate this sentence, because it makes me feel like I am an aging sponge shriveling up and drying out over time!

But that is the message behind those ads for facial creams to make us unsure so that we will buy their product. Sorry boys not with me. Though I will admit I got caught up in this whole mess once.

Anyways, it was like this; I adventurously entered a store full of facial creams that promise me the world and I feel better already except then I am approached by a sale women who must have visited a garage and she said to me: “They definitely have a cream here for my problem skin.” I never knew that my skin had a problem before, because I never asked it.

But this women knows !!

She suggests we do an analysis of my facial skin so then I know exactly what cream is best for my skin. I think to myself “ How has my skin survived all these years not knowing this information?” I find this whole thing a bit unsettling but I say “OK” anyways.

She does this and that and then she informs me that I will need a couple of creams because my skin isn’t the same all over my face. Though I think my skin looks ok to me and is the same color but not according to her.
And the thought that people could point to me and think “We know your facial skin isn’t the same.” This is horrifying. But imagine walking down the street and people saying to you when they walk by “ I know the left side of your face is dry and the other side is oily.” This makes me cringe!!

So, I ask the sales women what she would suggest. A wrong question indeed.

Well, she says to me considering the condition of your skin and your age( I never told her how old I was)I would recommend that you use a different cream for each problem zone, and this here is exactly what you need.

I have mentally noted that she is well versed in skin problems and maybe even an expert, but I doubt that very much she is just well trained by the company.

Now the sales women stands before me with all these promising creams that will make me look younger. I need this!!! I want to be younger looking and now she shows me a couple of more promising products that just seem to be exactly what I need (according to the sales women).

All the time she has been telling me the wonders of these products and that I must use them twice a day otherwise my skin will look like an old sponge (I feel really ugly now that she has said that). But she did let me in on a secret, and that was that she went to the garage for an overhaul and if she didn’t she would look worse than I do. After hearing that, I was relieved to think that I don’t look too bad then (Thank-you).

So the moment came when I had to decide which cream to buy and I knew there and then it could be pricey!!!! I chose the one that promised soft and younger looking skin in 3 weeks. I hope my partner will still recognize me then. Not that he thinks there’s some strange chick trying to pick him up (I’d better be careful).

The sales women said I made an excellent choice and suggested some cosmetics too. I politely said “No thank-you, the cream is enough.” She looked at me as if to say: If you don’t buy a foundation, mascara and all the other stuff you will be beyond help. I will take the chance because I like to live risky!!

Then I asked the “question”: How much? She answered me by saying “ Only $50.00 plus tax.” I almost fell over, but thought hey I’m worth it. What’s fifty bucks when I’ll look younger? So I paid and got another free sample of something for aging skin. I hate this word” aging” it’s like a plague everywhere you turn you hear it.

I invested many hours in my new beauty regime with my new cream but no one seemed to notice that I looked younger. I could clearly see in the mirror day by day that the effects of aging were disappearing by using this cream, but why hadn’t anyone else noticed it?

I felt heartbroken (and maybe you have too) and have gone back to using my old faithful product that I have been using for years and everyone now says:”your skin looks good.” What’s with everyone?

Always take care of your skin and it will always take care of you protecting you from the elements whatever they may be.